10个英文笑话。
发布网友
发布时间：2022-05-23 21:11
共3个回答
热心网友
时间：2024-03-09 04:46
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者*十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
2.Mother Freddie, why is your face so red
Freddie I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting
Freddie Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
3.A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.
After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.'
一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。
饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。”
4.Tom William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him
Jack Certainly.
Tom And why
Jack Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。
5.
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded.
'Why are you so nervous' I asked him.
'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。
“你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。
“这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道
6. An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman' How much this stuff'
'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The l
ady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'
'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'
一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。
她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”
“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”
店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”
“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”
7.Mother Why are you jumping up and down
Tom I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
8.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here'
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
9.Mr. Johnson Are you using you mower this afternoon
Mr.Smith Yes.
Mr.Johnson Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it
约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？
史密斯先生：是的。
约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？
10.Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.
'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'
'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.
玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天对他抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”
“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。
热心网友
时间：2024-03-09 04:47
杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的*拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格'还有什么漏填的?'*问. '有!'杰克想了想说,'我是个单身汉.'
Wife:You see.According to te statistics on thepaper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.
Husband:It's okey. To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals.
妻子:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.
丈夫:那有什么?据我调查,死予肝癌的人100%都吃饭的.
'Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine.'
'Yours?Can you prove it?'
'Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it.'
'请原谅,你占了我的位置.'
'你的位置?你能征明这点吗?'
'能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌.'
One day,Eve asked Adam,'Doyou really love me?'
Adam said helplessly,'Do I have any other choice?'
一天,夏娃问亚当:'你当真爱我吗?'
亚当无可奈何地回答:'我还有的选择吗?'
Always Thirsty
'I had an operation,' said a man to his friend, 'and the doctor lefta sponge in me.'
'That's terrible!' said the friend. 'Got any pain?'
'No, but I am always thirsty!'
总感到口渴
一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”
A Useful Way
Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.
Father: What's that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
一个有效的方法
爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？
杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？
杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。
A Present
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
凯特的礼物
凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗？
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀？
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
热心网友
时间：2024-03-09 04:47
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
新西兰的气候
老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样?
马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。
老师：错了。
马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。
2
My Sister's Fingers
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
我妹妹的手指头
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?
凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。
老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?
3
凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。
All Except the Music
A keen young teacher wanted to introce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
除了音乐
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗?”
“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。”
4
The plural Form of "Child"
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
"孩子"的复数形式
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么?
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢?
汤姆：双胞胎。
5
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人们什么时候说话最少?
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少?
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢?
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
6
The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
迟到的原因
老 师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校-缓行’。
