帮忙改下TOEFL作文吧! 谢谢~

发布网友 发布时间：2023-07-09 00:12

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热心网友 时间：2024-10-13 09:13

Nowadays, university students usually have several options to live .Some may live at home ,or some may live in university dormitory while others may live in private apartments. The most two popular means are dwelling in university dormitory and apartment in the community. Not taking financial ability into consideration, I would select to live in apartment rather than living in dormitory, since not only do I preserve more privacy, I may also obtain greater opportunities to communicate with others in community.

Some students prefer to live in university rather than living off campus. They believe accommodating in university dormitory is safer because the guard keeps a close watch on the dorms .In addition, students live on campus ,can they be provided more convenient access to the university library ,gym and classes. simultaneously, they may save money on gas to drive to school and time lost on the way home every single day .For instance, a student who residents in dormitory has gotten two courses a day, one is in the early morning while another is in the late afternoon .The student can easily go back to dorm for a rest . Nevertheless, other students, including me, detest being restricted in a fixed area .I am aching for going outside and i love to meet more people in community.

I would choose to live off campus because I can meet plenty of people in society. I could connect with them to broaden my horizons, learn to live independently and figure out what happened and changed in the world. If I live outside the university, I would have my neighbors and learn how to get along with them .Thus , I can acquire more chances to practice my communication skills in society .

Furthermore, I might possess wider room and choose my roommates myself as I live in an apartment in community . Furthermore, I can invite my close friends living with me and we would respect each other's privacy .What is more ,dwelling in apartment effectively avoid too many indivials jostle in a single tiny room like hostel .I could enjoy more space.

Comparing advantages of living in dormitories with those of living in apartments, I am inclined to live off campus, because of the private and wide space and more persons in community I can contact with.

怎么说好呢…… 语法上没太多的问题。整体而言还算是通俗易懂，沟通有效的。只是到了后面的两三个自然段才开始出现让人看不懂的句子。但是……你的论点太散太乱了，作为一篇argumantative的文章，真的没有太大的说服力。既然在第一段明确表明了自己的立场，第二自然段就不要大篇幅写住在学校的好处。写了也罢，第二段后面又开始讲了住在公寓的好处，非常乱。记住，一段只写一个重点。另外，和我刚才改的人一样，你们的论点和论据不够清晰，不够focused.在你写住公寓好处的时候，却没了什么好的例子可提供，加上上来的长篇反调，有点要倒戈的感觉。
整体英文水平还不错，没用很难很少见的词，动词名词分清楚，时态统一的问题自己注意一下~~ 我没大去看~

热心网友 时间：2024-10-13 09:13

头疼`