雅思作文求改

发布网友发布时间：2023-07-05 07:06

共2个回答

热心网友时间：2023-07-07 11:18

字数不够，一定要注意。有点偏题，题目没有提及公立学校，而公立学校好也不代表私立学校不好，如果你想通过让步突出私立学校好的方面，就应该详细点写，而不是简单一句there are many disputes disturbing them as well带过就算了。让步最好放在前面。

Students seem to have ongoing preference for private secondary schools because of their professional teaching staff, competitive courses and excellent facilities. Despite the merits, critics are concerned about the demerits lying in this ecational form, such as high tuition fee. Personally, going to private schools is a better choice for students’ growth.

Admittedly, other than public schools, the tuition fee of private schools is exorbitant and it is affordable for some sections of students only. As the widen gap between the rich and the poor, a private school is assessable for students who are able to pay, rather than who are able to learn. As a result, the advance ecational resources are shared unequally by a small group of people.

However, private schools are superior because of smaller classroom sizes, which is under high funding condition. To be more precise, smaller class enables students to gain more indivial attention from teachers. When they confront with difficulties in their study, teachers can adjust the materials and methods of instruction to students’ aptitudes indivially. In this case, learners can fully absorb the knowledge within a certain time, which makes them more competitive.

Another remarkable quality of a private school is its proficiency in formulating and promoting different extracurricular programs. For instance, many private schools offer professional training in music and sport in terms of fostering students’ physical, emotional and social well-being. The excellent facilities and teachers with rich experience can drive the students toward higher performance as well as all-conclusive development.
On the basis of above factors, I am convinced that private school, in many aspects, such as teaching staff competitive course and fully developed facilities, outperforms the public school. On the other hand, its high tuition fee puts much pressure on the students from low income families. Thus, private schools, in large extent, are more suitable for high income families.

热心网友时间：2023-07-07 11:18

useful alt过于chinglish 后面那一句也是
“people who keep in mind that the sense of competition should be fostered”太罗嗦了完全可以用简单句代替。
第二段的论点不够清晰，因而论据也很无力。
句与句的连接有些松散，而且逻辑性不强，使用较少加分连词。
不好意思，为求进步只找缺点。建议你先精读几篇雅思考官范文再下笔吧，一些加分的小词上看得出来楼主基础还不错，但是对作文太陌生了。。。另外就是自己觉得有一定进展以后可以找native speaker来帮忙修改，你会看到很多完全想不到的问题出现的。。
我也在为16号的考试准备，共勉吧！