英语幽默笑话大全

发布网友 发布时间：2022-04-30 02:19

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共5个回答

热心网友 时间：2022-06-29 01:37

一、我是单身汉
Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."

杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的*拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的？"*问. "有！"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."

二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭
Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals.

妻子：你看这张报纸，据统计，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的。
丈夫：那有什么？据我调查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的。

三、位置上的冰激凌
"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."

"请原谅，你占了我的位置."
"你的位置？你能征明这点吗？"
"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."

四、别无选择
One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
一天，夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗？"
亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗？"

五、总是口渴
Always Thirsty
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
总感到口渴

一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”

热心网友 时间：2022-06-29 01:37

The mean man's party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

Who Is the Laziest?

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

中文：

父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

Johnson: "But I want you to."

Wife: "But why?"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

译文：

老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”

妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”

约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”

妻子：“为什么？”

约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

热心网友 时间：2022-06-29 01:38

　　一、我是单身汉
　　Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."

　　杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的*拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的？"*问. "有！"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."

　　二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭
　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals.

　　妻子：你看这张报纸，据统计，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的。
　　丈夫：那有什么？据我调查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的。

　　三、位置上的冰激凌
　　"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
　　"Yours?Can you prove it?"
　　"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."

　　"请原谅，你占了我的位置."
　　"你的位置？你能征明这点吗？"
　　"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."

　　四、别无选择
　　One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
　　Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
　　一天，夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗？"
　　亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗？"

热心网友 时间：2022-06-29 01:38

I teach computer courses, and my students often call me at home with questions. One morning I was on the phone, explaining in computer language the solution to a problem, while a repairman was fixing my refrigerator. After an endless stream of "C colon, back- slash, greater than, cd, backslash, DOS, 0 colon" and so on, I hung up and found the repairman staring at me. "Lady," he asked, are you a spy?"

Notes:
(1) computer language 计算机语言
(2) refrigerator n. 冰箱
(3) backslash n. 回车
(4) greater than大于号
(5) DOS 计算机语言中的DOS处理

Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题：
① What does the teacher teach?
② With what do students call her at home?
③ Who was in the teacher's house when she was on the phone?
④ Was it a long talk?
⑤ Why did the repairman think she was a spy?

电话交谈
我教计算机课程，我的学生经常打电话到我家问我问题。一天早晨，我在电话里用计算机语言解释一个问题的答案，当时一个维修工正在给我修电冰箱。经过一连串的“C冒号，回车，大于号，CD，回车，DOS，C冒号”等等，我挂上电话发现那位维修工在盯着我。“女士，”他问，“你是个间谍吗？”

练习参*：
① She teaches computer courses.
② Questions.
③ A repairman.
④ Yes, it was.
⑤ Because the repairman didn't understand computer language.

热心网友 时间：2022-06-29 01:39

　一、我是单身汉
　　Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."
　　杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的*拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的？"*问. "有！"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."
　　二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭
　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all The