求英语幽默故事
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发布时间：2022-09-22 13:07
共5个回答
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时间：2023-11-25 23:21
Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 讲故事者：三只小猪和他们的妈妈
their mother. Ding-Ding and Dong- 住在一起。丁丁和东东
Dong are brother pigs. They are very 是猪哥哥，他们很懒，他
Lazy. They eat and sleep all day. 们整天吃了就睡。龙龙是
Long-Long is the youngest pig. She 最小的，她整天帮着妈妈
works all day. She helps her mother 做家务。
to do the housework.
Mother pig: You have grown up. You must make 猪妈妈：你们已经长大了，你们得
your own houses. 为自己盖间房。
Goodbye, little pigs. Build a house. 再见，孩子们。去盖间房。
Be careful of the wolf. 小心狼。
Pigs: Yes, Mum. Goodbye. 三只小猪：好的，妈妈。再见。
Wolf: I’m hungry. Look! Three little pigs 狼：我饿了。看，三只小猪可
for dinner. Mmm. 以做我的美餐。
Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 猪妹妹：哥哥，你们在干什么？
Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves. 丁丁：我在用树叶盖房子。
Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks. 东东：我在用树枝盖房子。
Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong. 猪妹妹：可是树叶不牢固。树枝也不
And sticks aren’t strong. 牢固。
Brother pigs: Yes, we know. But it’s easy. 猪哥哥：我们知道。但它很容易。
What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？
Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks. 猪妹妹：我在用砖头盖房子。
Brother pigs: Bricks! That’s very difficult. 猪哥哥：用砖头盖，那太难了。
Sister pig: I know. But bricks are strong. 猪妹妹：我知道，可是砖头很坚固。
……
Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished. Let’s have 猪哥哥：噢，我们盖好了。我们打
a nap. 个盹吧。
Sister pig: My house is finished. My house 猪妹妹：我的房子盖好了，我的房
is strong. 很坚固。
Wolf: Little pigs. Little pigs. Open your 狼： 小猪，小猪，快开门！
Doors!
Brother pigs: No. No. Go away. 猪哥哥：不开，不开。快走开。
Wolf: This is very easy. Sticks and leaves 狼：这太容易了。树枝和树叶
aren’t strong. 都不牢固。
Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down. 讲故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。丁丁和东
Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 东跑到龙龙家。
to Long-Long’s house.
Brother pigs: Help! Help! 猪哥哥：救命! 救命!
Wolf: Stop, you two pigs. 狼： 站住，你这两只小猪。
Brother pigs: Open the door, sister. The wolf 猪哥哥：妹妹，快开门。狼来了，
is coming. Let me in. 让我们进去。
Long-Long: Come in, please. Don’t worry. 龙龙：快进来。别担心，我的
My house is strong. 房子很坚固。
Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他们跑哪儿了？噢，他们
Here. Little pigs. Little pigs. Open 在这儿。小猪，快把门打
the door! 开。
Three pigs: No. No. Go away. You bad wolf. 三只小猪：不开，不开。快走开。
你这只恶狼。
Wolf: I’ll blow it down. 狼：我要吹倒它。
Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows. He 讲故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。
blows and blows. But the house 可是房子非常坚固。
is very strong.
Wolf: I’ll hit it. Oh. 狼：我要撞倒它。噢！
Long-Long: Let’s boil the water. 龙龙：我们把水烧开。
Brother pigs: OK. 猪哥哥：好的。
Wolf: Oh, oh! It’s hot. It’s hot. 狼：噢！噢！好烫，好烫。
Three pigs: Hooray! The wolf is dead. The 三只小猪：好啊！狼死了，狼死了。
wolf is dead
Storyteller: Since then, Ding-Ding and Dong- 讲故事者：从那以后，丁丁、东东
Dong work hard with Long-Long. 和龙龙一起努力工作。
They work and play together. 他们一起工作，一起玩。
这个短剧场景可以自己按情况更改，人可多可少，最好幽默一点的同学表演。
Napolan and his soldiers（拿破仑这个单词我记不清楚了）
众士兵排列整齐的上。
M: Attention.（立正） Turn right/left. Quick time, march!（齐步走） (吹哨)
Halt!(立定) Turn right/left. At ease!(稍息).Dismiss!(解散)
（在宿舍里）
Ss: Cheer!(干杯)
（班长带着一新士兵推门进来）
M: Hello!Everyone! This is Sam. He is Swede. Today he join us. Let's give
him a warm welcome!
Ss: Welcome! Welcome! (握手、拍肩 和他打招呼，但是他摇摇头)
M: He doesn't know French at all.
Ss: What a pity!
本文来自: 优习网(www.YouTheme.cn) 详细出处参考：http://www.youtheme.cn/shenghuochangshi/yingyuxiaogushi/2008-05-05/110275.html
Three Little Pigs 三只小猪
Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 讲故事者：三只小猪和他们的妈妈
their mother. Ding-Ding and Dong- 住在一起。丁丁和东东
Dong are brother pigs. They are very 是猪哥哥，他们很懒，他
Lazy. They eat and sleep all day. 们整天吃了就睡。龙龙是
Long-Long is the youngest pig. She 最小的，她整天帮着妈妈
works all day. She helps her mother 做家务。
to do the housework.
Mother pig: You have grown up. You must make 猪妈妈：你们已经长大了，你们得
your own houses. 为自己盖间房。
Goodbye, little pigs. Build a house. 再见，孩子们。去盖间房。
Be careful of the wolf. 小心狼。
Pigs: Yes, Mum. Goodbye. 三只小猪：好的，妈妈。再见。
Wolf: I’m hungry. Look! Three little pigs 狼：我饿了。看，三只小猪可
for dinner. Mmm. 以做我的美餐。
Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 猪妹妹：哥哥，你们在干什么？
Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves. 丁丁：我在用树叶盖房子。
Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks. 东东：我在用树枝盖房子。
Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong. 猪妹妹：可是树叶不牢固。树枝也不
And sticks aren’t strong. 牢固。
Brother pigs: Yes, we know. But it’s easy. 猪哥哥：我们知道。但它很容易。
What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？
Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks. 猪妹妹：我在用砖头盖房子。
Brother pigs: Bricks! That’s very difficult. 猪哥哥：用砖头盖，那太难了。
Sister pig: I know. But bricks are strong. 猪妹妹：我知道，可是砖头很坚固。
……
Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished. Let’s have 猪哥哥：噢，我们盖好了。我们打
a nap. 个盹吧。
Sister pig: My house is finished. My house 猪妹妹：我的房子盖好了，我的房
is strong. 很坚固。
Wolf: Little pigs. Little pigs. Open your 狼： 小猪，小猪，快开门！
Doors!
Brother pigs: No. No. Go away. 猪哥哥：不开，不开。快走开。
Wolf: This is very easy. Sticks and leaves 狼：这太容易了。树枝和树叶
aren’t strong. 都不牢固。
Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down. 讲故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。丁丁和东
Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 东跑到龙龙家。
to Long-Long’s house.
Brother pigs: Help! Help! 猪哥哥：救命! 救命!
Wolf: Stop, you two pigs. 狼： 站住，你这两只小猪。
Brother pigs: Open the door, sister. The wolf 猪哥哥：妹妹，快开门。狼来了，
is coming. Let me in. 让我们进去。
Long-Long: Come in, please. Don’t worry. 龙龙：快进来。别担心，我的
My house is strong. 房子很坚固。
Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他们跑哪儿了？噢，他们
Here. Little pigs. Little pigs. Open 在这儿。小猪，快把门打
the door! 开。
Three pigs: No. No. Go away. You bad wolf. 三只小猪：不开，不开。快走开。
你这只恶狼。
Wolf: I’ll blow it down. 狼：我要吹倒它。
Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows. He 讲故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。
blows and blows. But the house 可是房子非常坚固。
is very strong.
Wolf: I’ll hit it. Oh. 狼：我要撞倒它。噢！
Long-Long: Let’s boil the water. 龙龙：我们把水烧开。
Brother pigs: OK. 猪哥哥：好的。
Wolf: Oh, oh! It’s hot. It’s hot. 狼：噢！噢！好烫，好烫。
Three pigs: Hooray! The wolf is dead. The 三只小猪：好啊！狼死了，狼死了。
wolf is dead
Storyteller: Since then, Ding-Ding and Dong- 讲故事者：从那以后，丁丁、东东
Dong work hard with Long-Long. 和龙龙一起努力工作。
They work and play together. 他们一起工作，一起玩。
这个短剧场景可以自己按情况更改，人可多可少，最好幽默一点的同学表演。
Napolan and his soldiers（拿破仑这个单词我记不清楚了）
众士兵排列整齐的上。
M: Attention.（立正） Turn right/left. Quick time, march!（齐步走） (吹哨)
Halt!(立定) Turn right/left. At ease!(稍息).Dismiss!(解散)
（在宿舍里）
Ss: Cheer!(干杯)
（班长带着一新士兵推门进来）
M: Hello!Everyone! This is Sam. He is Swede. Today he join us. Let's give
him a warm welcome!
Ss: Welcome! Welcome! (握手、拍肩 和他打招呼，但是他摇摇头)
M: He doesn't know French at all.
Ss: What a pity!
有一天，一个士兵慌慌张张的跑了过来。
A. Monitor! Monitor!
M: What's the matter with you?
A: I hear Napolan will be here in a month.
M: What shall we do?
B. I hear N often asks three quenstions. and often in an order. The first
one is "How old are you?". The second one is "How long have you been in
the Amry?". The third one is "Did you join any of my two compaigns?"
M: All of us have no problem except Sam. He doesn't know French. What
shall we do?
B. I have an idea. From now on all of us teach him the three questions at
any time.
Ss: Good!
各种场合：
睡觉: A: Sam. How old are you?
Sam:21.sir!
A: How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 3 years sir!
A: Did you join any of my two compaigns?
Sam: Both.sir!
吃饭:B:Sam. How old are you?
Sam:21.sir!
B: How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 3 years sir!
B: Did you join any of my two compaigns?
Sam: Both.sir!
跑步：C:Sam. How old are you?
Sam:21.sir!
C: How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 3 years sir!
C: Did you join any of my two compaigns?
Sam: Both.sir!
.....
Ss: We believe that's no problem at all.
A:(慌慌张张的) N is coming. N is coming.
(众士兵立正)
N: Hello! Everyone. How are you?
Ss: Fine. Thank you!sir!
Sam 在哆嗦，引起了拿破仑的注意。
N: （走到他的面前）Well. How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 21 . sir.
N: (非常吃惊的) How old are you?
Sam: (非常自信的) 3 .sir.
N: (生气的) Either you or I am mad!!!!
Sam:(洋洋得意的)Both. sir!!!
Ss: My god!!!
众士兵失望的下场了。
参考资料：www.YouTheme.cn
热心网友
时间：2023-11-25 23:22
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个*。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个*呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
热心网友
时间：2023-11-25 23:22
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
谁的儿子最伟大
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。”
“我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’！”
2.A Holiday from School
Tommy hated school and was always looking for excuses not to go.
If he sneezed, he asked his mother to write a note saying he had a cold.
If he had a headache, he asked his mother to take him to the doctor ring school hours.
He spent more time at home than he did at school.
On the days that he did go to school, he looked for excuses to come home early.
One morning he came home when the lessons were only half finished.
His father was surprised.
"You've come home early," he said. "Is the school closed today?"
"No, Dad, " Tommy said - "It's open. I came home early.
"How did you do that?" his father asked him. "What did you say to the teacher?"
"I told her that I had a new baby brother and that I had to come home and help you . "
"But your mother has had twins," his father said, "a boy and a girl. You've got a baby brother and a baby sister."
"Yes, I know, Dad, " Tommy said. "I'm saving up my baby sister for next week "
汤姆讨厌上学，总是找借口不去上学。
如果他打喷嚏，他就叫他妈妈写个纸条说他感冒了。
如果他头痛，他就叫他妈妈在上课时间带他去看病。
他呆在家里的时间比在学校的时间要多。
在他的确去上学的日子里，他就找借口早点回家。
一天早上他上了一半课就从学校回来了。
他爸爸很惊讶。
“你回来很早，”他爸爸问，“今天学校放学了吗？”
“没有，爸爸，”汤姆说，“还没放学。我提前回来了。”
“你怎么会提前回来了？”爸爸问，“你对老师说什么了？”
“我告诉她我有了一个小弟弟，我得回家帮你。”
“但是你妈妈生了一对双胞胎，”爸爸说，“一个男孩，一个女孩。你有一个小弟弟和一个小妹妹。”
“是的，我知道，爸爸，”汤姆说，“我要等下个星期再说我有个小妹妹了。”
热心网友
时间：2023-11-25 23:23
student
asked
another
，"how
aer
you
English
lessons
coming
along
?"
"Fine.
I
used
to
be
one
who
cloundn't
understand
the
Englishmen
,and
now
it
's
the
Englishmen
who
can't
understand
me
."
一位学生问另一位：“你的英语最近学的怎么样了？”
“很好，我过去不懂英国人讲话，现在是英国人不懂我我讲话了哦。”
Student
A
：When
do
people
talk
least?
人们在什么时候说话最短？
Student
B
：In
february.
在2月。
Student
A
：Why?
为什么？
Student
B
：Beacuase
February
is
the
student
month
of
a
year
因为2月事一年中最短的一个月。
热心网友
时间：2023-11-25 23:23
women,without her,man is nothing
