急求英语笑话短语~!
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发布时间：2022-04-29 23:15
共8个回答
热心网友
时间：2022-04-12 01:44
Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong.
2.Self-help
I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like)
3.I Couldn't Digest So Many Apples
Doctor gravely(严肃地): "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead." Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest(消化） so many apples."
4.Is This a Question
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam.
5.A Dollar Per Point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Time Is Money
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light,I asked the driver,"Do you agree that 'Time is money'?" "Well,it's a very common saying.Who will care so much about that?"the driver answered . "Look,the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped,"I pointed at the meter. "Oh.yes.You've got a point here,In this case,time is money for both of us,"added the driver.
The Korean War Is Over
My husband's brother-in-law,Joseph,an American real estate agent,came to China for a short visit to our city.To show hospitality at the welcoming dinner party,Mr.Sun,the host,entertained Joseph with Chinese wine,saying,"According to our custom,a brother-in-law coming to his wife's native country for the first time must drink three cups of wine."Joseph declined the offer by saying,"Thank you,but I can't drink even one drop." "Then our dinner won't be over without your drinking at least one cup,"insisted Mr. Sun. To this,Joseph responded,"The Korean War is over,Don't attack the Americans any more."
men and beer
What do men and beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up
That's once
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once!"
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice!"
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once!"
Buy me a $200 bicycle for my birthday
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too.
"And I'll be DAMNED if I geDo you always wear a condom when you run?
Mary was having an affair ring the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"
Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."
t stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
热心网友
时间：2022-04-12 03:02
1 ． we two who and who ？ > 咱俩谁跟谁阿
2 ． how are you ? how old are you? > 怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3 ． you don’t bird me,I don’t bird you 你不 鸟我，我也 不 鸟你
4 ． you have seed I will give you some color to see see,brothers ！ together up ！ 你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
5 ． hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏，无事退朝
6 ． you me you me 彼此彼此
7 ． You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！
8 ． know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知 …
9 ． WATCH SISTER > 表妹
10 ． dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’s sons can make hole!! 龙生龙，凤生凤 ，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11 ． American Chinese not enough 美中不足
12 ． heart flower angry open 心花怒放
13 ． go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过
14 ．小明： I am sorry!
老外： I am sorry too!
小明： I am sorry three!
老外： What are you sorry for?
小明： I am sorry five!
15 ． If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I have one! 要钱没有，要命一条
16 ． I call Li old big. toyear 25. 我叫李老大，今年 25 。
17 ． you have two down son 。你有两下子。
18 ． as far as you go to die 有多远，死多远！！ ！ ！
29 ． I give you face you don’’t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face 给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸
热心网友
时间：2022-04-12 04:36
1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!一个小男孩问他的爸爸，结婚要花多少钱？爸爸说：我不知道，因为我仍然在付帐。
2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
一个主日学校校(*教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？”
“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好，是谁呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！
3 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。
孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”
迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”
他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”
迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”
4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！
5 George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”
“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”
“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”
乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。当朋友的妈妈来应门时，他问：“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗？ ”
“ 不行， ” 那位妈妈说， “ 天气太冷了。 ”
“ 噢，那么， ” 乔冶， “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗？
出国必备英文日常用语
▲Potluck Party 一种聚餐方式，主人准备场地和餐具，叁加的人必须带一道菜准备饮料，最好事先问问主人的意思。
▲Pull over!把车子开到旁边。
▲Drop me a line!写封信给我。
▲Give me a ring. = Call me!来个电话吧！
▲For here or to go？食堂或外卖。
▲cool; Thats cool! 等于国内年轻人常用的囗语“酷！”，表示不赖嘛！用于人或事均可。
▲Whats up? = Whats happening? = Whats new? 见面时随囗问候的话“最近在忙什么？有什么新鲜事吗？”一般的回答是“Nothing much!” 或“Nothing new!”
▲Cut it out! = Knock it out!= Stop it! 少来这一套！同学之间开玩笑的话。
▲Dont give me a hard time! 别跟我过不去好不好！
▲Get yourself together! 振作点行不行！
▲Do you have the time? 现在几点钟？可别误以为人家要约你出去。
▲Hang in there. = Dont give up. = Keep trying. 再撑一下。
▲Give me a break ! 你饶了我吧！（开玩笑的话）
热心网友
时间：2022-04-12 06:28
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in
Beverly Hills, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted.
The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.
So there he was, him and his friends all standing around drinking, = getting lit and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the = lifeguard tower and all his friends look up. He calls for silence and says "OK, the first person the swims across my pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd and says:=20
"OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house." Still no one moves.
K then, the first person the swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time.
"OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls = you can handle; everything I own."
"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on the tower jumps downand runs over to him.
"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done! Do you want the money now or later?"
"I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?"
"I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars and planes now or later?"
"I don't want the cars or the planes."
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"
"I don't want that either."
"Do you want the girls now or later?"
"I don't want the girls."
The rich guy looks at him and says "Well what the hell do you want?!?!"
"I want the bastard that pushed me in."
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时间：2022-04-12 08:36
- by bus.
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时间：2022-04-12 11:00
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时间：2022-04-12 13:42
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时间：2022-04-12 16:40
